You can't spell HOMOPHOBE without HOMO!

You can't spell HOMOPHOBE without HOMO!
27th
January

Posted by Esther Einhorn on Jan 27, 2009 in

So I was in South Pasadena yesterday, that pristine suburb where money blooms like begonias on thier many old growth trees. I was taking a walk on one of southern California's rare cold, bright and crisp days. I spotted an open door of a beautiful old building into which young and radiant couples were heading, so I followed. Lookout bitches, here comes Esther Einhorn!

As luck would have it, I walked into a food tasting for engaged couples. Jackpot! I told the host my fiancee came down with a case of the shits (a tasting from a less reputable caterer, no doubt) and made my way to the bar. Free wine and beer! The food, though plentiful, sucked. I ate three appetizers, two salads, three pasta varieties (Chef Boyardee, Ragu, and Kroger's value brand?), three main courses (the inimitable and unaviodable beef, chicken and fish), and two cakes.

Yum yum yuck! Better than the food, however, was the company. Everything was served wedding style (lukewarm and at big round tables), so I sat with an adorable fresh faced couple and the parents of the bride. The blond and freckled kids were about to graduate from some religious college, and were to be married just days after graduating. Cast off the chains of one institution, kids, and shackle yourselves to another! Sounds terribly comforting. The parents were gentle and well-meaning. Dad was in the construction business and Mom rode a Harley. They had Korean neighbors who were very hard working.

But the odd thing, and the raison d'etre for this hasty blog entry, was an exchange I had with Dad. As someone who works vaguely within the klieg lights of the Hollywood film industry, I'm used to yokels asking inane questions about the business. But Dad had a new one. Apparently, the only thing he wanted to know about Hollywood was this: "Now, I'm not a homophobe or anything, but, are there really alot of... those people... in the buisiness?"

"Um, gays? Yeah, there are quite a few..."

" Well, are they really pushy? Like, do they try to change you?"

I was struck by the timing and intensity of his curiousity. Here we are, twenty miles from Hollywood, and a man from the distant land of San Bernadino is really asking me this.

"Of course they do!" I said. "How do you think there got to be so many of them?"

I didn't say that. I don't know what I said really. Something to send the signal that, while I am one of them (religious and ignorant), I am also tolerant and worldly. I did not want to offend, nor alienate, but I did want to make him feel a bit like a child. The whole affair served as a gentle reminder that there are other kinds of people in this, the real world, outside of the Hollywood bubble.

I don't want to come across as too judgmental on the family. The kids will make a beautiful couple and I hope they have a lifetime full of love, devotion, and kinky sex. Mom and Dad were really nice people, too, even if Dad does have some deep-seated gay fantasies.

But don't be surprised if, come March 24 at the Pasadena Arts Center Banquet Hall, an army of scantily dressed homos storm the dance floor during the father daughter dance! Wouldn't that be faaabulous?