The Easiest Way to Get Published (and Publicity) These Days

The Easiest Way to Get Published (and Publicity) These Days
16th
January

Posted by Tom Senkus on Jan 16, 2009 in

Want to become a published writer? Who doesn't! But how? With all those things like deadlines, books, and thoughts, who has time to actually jot something down. And while we're at it, if you and I ever play Scrabble, "jot" is not a word I'm allowing... I don't care if its in the Scrabble Dictionary either.

Okay, Tomfoolery aside, here's an easy way to get published:

1) Find your local alternative weekly newspaper online. Here in Portland, we have two: The Portland Mercury (www.portlandmercury.com) and The Willamette Weekly (www.wweek.com.)

2) Next, find their Personals Section. Newspapers like these often allow a way of correspondence between individuals in missed encounters. In the Portland Mercury, they're called ISAWU's. The mindset of these "advertisements" is to play on the hopes of would-be loves--kind of like a year-round Valentine's Day shame! For the recipient or hopeful, it increases readership. Increased readership is more exposure to ads. More ads, more money.

3) Guess what? You can place an ISAWU... for FREE.

4) Just like the library, when things are free, its time to abuse it. That's right, write a short story you've always been plotting. In the Portland Mercury, the limit is 40 words. In the space of 3 haikus, you can write a story! Or, better yet, post often and refine your celebrity! Be sure not to use your own name that might go on your online profile (they all require you to have one... use a fake name!)

Here's some fun one's I've done:

a) Homosexual ambiguity: Gay people are like seasoned mashed-potatoes for fat kids--the saucier and more beaten to a frothy pulp they are (by LIFE), the better. And who doesn't love gay people!? They have mystique! Danger! AMBIGUITY! A better vocabulary than you or I? Why wouldn't you want to add that to your life? That's right, you would. And if you are gay, so much the better--now you can advertise! "Karen's gay? Really, I never knew! Well, maybe I should ask her out...," says your future juice-box diver.

b) Gloating: I love a good gloat. Share your accomplishments via a third party. Example: "Tom @ Bullshit Cafe: That was the sweetest thing I've ever seen someone do. Helping that old lady across the street made me cry worse than Free Willy. You've restored my faith in humanity like a manatee." Then you can tell your friends how cool you are AND increase your tips!

c) Andy Warhol-ism: Create your own celebrity and myth. Kind of like b), but it doesn't actually have to be real. Or creative. Or even your own work.

d) Etc.

5) Wait a week. Usually the deadline is two days before the magazine publishes. Meaning that you are now real writer: You now have a deadline! And better yet, you while get something that PUBLISHED! That's right; future employers will dig on your subversive approach to fiction! Use it as a way to bring the serialized writing format to the people--be the tiniest O. Henry!