TV Eulogy12thJanuary
Posted by Grey Anne on Jan 12, 2009 in
Not with a Bang, but with a flicker...
I've never been compelled by the militant cry to "Kill your TV!"
But with the digital format switch only a month away, and my rabbit-eared relic rapidly approaching obsolescence, I've decided to go ahead and let my TV die of natural causes. I'm not buying the digital converter box. I'm not subscribing to cable or the Dish. When my TV dies, I've given myself an order: "do not resuscitate."
These waning days with my cathode companion seem, then, all the more precious, and I've been spending a little extra time with TV, thinking about what it has been, what it is, where it's headed and what it means to me.
The following are some of my big ideas about TV, addressed in no particular order and to no definitive end. Just need to jot them down, so I can properly grieve.
Spectator Bonding
You know what I'll miss most of all about TV? [Warm pause] watching it with YOU.
It is so often that I want to be close to somebody, without the burden of having something to say. TV has been useful in this circumstance. Is watching the tube as healthy as jogging with a partner? Of course not. Is it as time-honored and fruitful as fishing? No. It's a debatably low-quality focal point for mutual contemplation, nevertheless, it will work in a pinch.
I'm pretty sure that my relationship with my dad, was brought to me by the generous support of TV advertisers. My dad's a pretty high-strung individual, from a very rigorous religious background, so a lot of the time when he was speaking, he was lecturing. He's not a bad guy, but he carries a heavy burden of responsibility, for Family and World Righteousness. And that burden can be hard to shoulder, when you just want to hang out with your pops.
So, it was advantageous, sometimes, to give my dad an excuse to shut up, and let the people on the TV talk. When my dad watched TV, he could finally relax. He knew he wasn't responsible for all the ideas expressed, and he didn't even have to process them all. Somebody was talking, and that cut the tension, and gave the impression that things were getting done. Meanwhile, he could just...sit...with...his...kids...and...hold...hands, and not over-think.
Let's call the intimacy of shared passivity, "spectator bonding." You watch something, and feel closer to those who watch it with you. Your simultaneous detachment from what you are watching, and your simultaneous engagement in it, put you side-by-side, philosophically and literally, with other watchers. And from that position, it's easier to hold hands.
I've exploited this phenomenon many times in adult life, I'm not even gonna lie. It's one of the best romantic games going. You create the spectator bond, and continue to let whatever you're watching, placate your conscious minds. Next thing you know, you're cuddling like bunnies, and kissing like bandits.
I am NOT saying that TV is the only thing worth watching with a special friend. And I'm also not saying that sidelong spectator-snuggles should displace full frontal romantic attacks. I'm just saying, plopping in front of a semi-engaging show, and working it into so much more, is a trick that works, and it's fun and easy, and I know I'm gonna miss it.
Good riddance.
Okay. Can I just say, there are things I'm not going to miss, AT ALL, about TV. One of these is the phenomenon of "commercial creep." Gradually, over the time I've watched TV, shows have gotten shorter, and commercial breaks have become commercial chasms. It's so bad now, that you can literally forget what it was that you were watching, in the time it takes the show to come back on. A companion to this problem is the "volume leap." Commercials these days are broadcast at roughly twice the volume of the shows that they companion. Which means you have to ride the remote like a venue sound-man to keep your levels correct. Advertisers, why? This doesn't make me buy; I just resent you.
And speaking of loud surprises--how much suspense does TV need? At some point about a broadcast decade ago, Comedy was snuck up on and stabbed to death by Suspense. Now, anytime between 9 and 11, all you see are cliffhanging, plane-crashing murder mystery suspense action thrillers. Everywhere you look, there are autopsies and flashbacks. Whoever licenses that reverby "squank" noise that always accompanies suspense surprises, must be seriously cashing in. Anyway, if I want unpleasant surprises, I can always watch the news. Or, drift off during the show, and let the noise from the next commercial break, shatter all my windowpanes.
Meanwhile...reality is looking up.
To my surprise, TV culture, in the past couple years, appears to be making a major cultural correction.
Five years ago, it seemed that American television was slipping into the debauchery of ancient Rome. "Reality" programming, which initially sought to show us ourselves, had gradually degraded into tawdry sensationalism, playing up fight-eat-fuck impulses to a flailing roar. Skanks were screeching, businessmen were backstabbing, and tasteless little demigod Flava Flav, was filling his jeweled cup, and ruling the day.
At the same time, in the world of politics, there was 24-hour swiftboat propaganda bullshit.
How, now, is everyone (including the dignified new president) suddenly ballroom dancing?
It seems there was a tipping point, when many viewers got sick of "reality TV's" pathos, depravity, stupidity and awkwardness. And the networks reacted, shifting their focus toward other, equally real, aspects of reality: namely, our better human nature. Lately, TV seems to be making more of a spectacle of graceful people with tact and talent. In entertainment programming there has been a surge in variety shows and ballroom dance competitions. In both entertainment and news programs, there SEEMS to be a marked decline in "bitch I'm gonna rip your weave."
This gives me hope/despair that the TV that I will soon be missing, will be better than ever. At least for a while, until the pendulum swings.
DV-R...and the death of surprise
One of my favorite things about my TV experience--network, analog--is that you never knew what it was gonna give you. I know that this is widely considered a drawback, and that many or most well-adjusted adults with fully formed consumer profiles, prefer to curate their own content. But, against all better judgment, I like to be surprised. My TV, in its capacity as a random content host, has shown me some intriguing moments that I would never have otherwise sought. Like, a documentary on the Oppenheimer project. A late-80's dialogue movie, with a Native American choral soundtrack. Shark Week. Kirk Cameron (of Growing Pains) taking to the streets to berate strangers about their sins (aka, Christian Shark Week). Each of these programs brought its own epiphany.
Sure, I'll purposely watch "The Office." I'll perpetually flip to the incessantly spooling reruns of Seinfeld and The Simpsons. But some of the wildest, most impactful sh* I've seen, some of the best conversational and philosophical fodder I've exposed my mind to, I would ONLY, EVER have seen by happy accident. I'd have never known I wanted it until I got it. So, thanks, TV, for being so goshdarned unpredictable, and for showing so little bias for my taste. In so doing, you've unwittingly enriched my perspective.
I wonder about the TIVO revolution, and what will happen psychologically to totally programming-empowered people. When everybody can choose what they watch at every moment, will TV still be able to teach? Or will people just "choose" their way into myopic ignorance? If I had chosen to Seinfeld that one time I haphazardly Sharked, wouldn't I have missed out on some new neural stimulation? Probably.
Hey, people of the future: every now and then, make a choice to un-entrench. Take an intentional left-turn off your TIVO track, and watch something you shouldn't want to. You might learn something you never even knew you could use.
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