Its the End of the World (and I Feel Fine)!11thDecember
Posted by Tom Senkus on Dec 11, 2008 in
The title of this bloggy-poo suggests that I am a pop(ular) cult(ure) consumer. And you’d be right, but I’m—no, baby—we’re simultaneously in this together, wearing more hats that Turkish pretzel shillers stacking baked dough on their qtzemuhl (Turkish for “head”), and juggling confusion in place of satisfaction. Cultural bombardment is a wonderful thing; don’t be stupid and say its not! Come pluck the cultural berries of this age from the media orchard!
Never has there been a time when your personality means more than your background. Morrissey sings of a “Begali(s) in Heels”, the US president is half “from the US”, and the guy who delivers the papers in the morning might not be African-American—he could be African-Briton! Confectionary Christ, the world is one massive swirl of “who are you”, not “where you from”. Decades of naming countless schools and streets after Martin Luther King Jr. (who was named after, well, you know) paid off—it’s the content of the character!
Hurray! We won!!
…but, now what? Personally, I’ve entered premature middle-age misanthropy. How can I get to know anyone by talking to them? Its mostly just 50% of a cell phone conversation nowadays. Everyone’s got twenty projects that they can only dedicate 10% of their chakra energy towards before being mentally “drained”.
And the looks of these people??? Party girls without coats in wind-chill death crossing the street in she-wolf packs towards another monosyllabic club? I sneer. An entire wardrobe of American Apparel adorning an individual staring from the face of a magazine with a “come hither but not too hither” appeal? I yell “c’mon!”. Hippy-raver anything? A beer may be in order! Don’t even get me started on these bartenders and waitresses!
It seems that I yearn for the old stereotypes. Where’s the greasers at? The real greasers! Who remembers greasers? The Fonz?... Jeezus…
What the hell happened to all those great insults? Why did “wop” fade into the distant horizon? Will John Lennon’s “Women is the Nigger of the World” someday come to mean “Women Could Potentially Be President of the Largest Sinking Ship of the World”? My god! Could the fantastical, berry-picking world that I’ve exalted segue into the most revolting blah-zay dream of some horrible Chinese Water Torture?
Chink, Kike, Cracker, Nigger, Wop! Bitch, Fag, Underclass, Fatso, Fashionazi, Towelhead, Wetback! ahhhh, I feel soooo much better. and fuck capitalizing sentences! Paranoia? Are you calling me paranoid? You’re paranoid! I’m going to call disconnect my internet, coat the walls with tinfoil to block the radio signals, smear the doors with blood from the victims too unlucky to enter MY CAVE, blast nothing but Einsturzende Neubauten before they became listenable, and make ol’ Howard Hughes seem like Dean Martin in comparison…
The first to go is any phrase used by The Simpsons, the entire history of rock ‘n’ roll will be banned, and… screw the English language entirely. And… and…
“LIVING LA VIDA LOCA!... AT THE COPACABANA! IN A SILENT WAY! which will MAKE MY DAY! a NEW DAY RISING!!!!!! I LOVE BIG BROTHER!!!!”
…(give me a second)…
I’m getting tuckered out. Aquateen Hunger Force is… hilarious, Kanye West might… just be entertaining, and I love HUMMUS. I… LOVE… HUMMUS!!!!!!!! I SAID IT!!!!
More to come from your neighborhood Polish-Lithunian-German-American who loves post-punk and pre-func’s, strippers and the mentally-ill with more relish than a Coney Island hotdog…
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